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Poll #1815040 True… 
29th-Jan-2012 10:06 pm
Poll #1815040 True Lies

Scenario: You are in a committed relationship and you sometimes suspect your significant other is smoking cigarettes. You are a former smoker with a huge dislike of smoking. When questioned, they repeatedly deny smoking. After several years, you finally learn the truth; they have been smoking at work - and lying about it - the entire time. Is this a valid reason to end the relationship?

I am a female and I think it is a valid reason.
I am female and I don't think it is a valid reason.
I am male and I think it's a valid reason.
I am male and I don't think it's a valid reason.

Same scenario as question #1 - Would you be emotionally hurt and consider it a breach of trust when you learned of the deception?

Female - yes.
Female - no.
Male - yes.
Male - no.
30th-Jan-2012 04:10 am (UTC)
I didn't vote on the first question. That alone wouldn't be enough for me to end a relationship, but I can understand why it would be enough for some people. I'd definitely be more upset about being lied to than about the smoking.
30th-Jan-2012 04:16 am (UTC)
Precisely this.
30th-Jan-2012 05:14 am (UTC)

The big kicker is that if your SO has been lying about this for so many years, you really have no idea what else he may be lying about. :/
30th-Jan-2012 05:22 am (UTC)
Yes. This wouldn't be enough to end the relationship in itself. Smoking is a very tough addiction to break and the lying may be a sign of disappointment in himself, or of not wanting to disappoint me, not an overall pattern of deception.
30th-Jan-2012 05:28 am (UTC)
30th-Jan-2012 05:30 pm (UTC)
30th-Jan-2012 05:53 am (UTC)
I agree, I would be more upset about being lied to than the smoking. I wouldn't end a relationship with someone I was in love with over something like smoking, but we would need to work on trust issues...perhaps...
30th-Jan-2012 08:03 pm (UTC)
I don't know how to answer this...in my opinion, anything is a "valid" reason to end a relationship. If one person doesn't want to be in it anymore, for whatever reason, that's valid.

If you're asking would we personally end a relationship over it...if everything else was fine, I doubt I'd end a relationship over this lie, but I would surely be hurt by it at least somewhat.
31st-Jan-2012 01:05 am (UTC)
Being a former smoker, I can smell smoke on a person's breath, clothing, etc. far more acutely than I ever did before. It would take quite a lot of effort to hide it from me, making my "not a valid reason" choice not as firm; if they were managing to hide it, that's mean they put in that much effort to deceive me. :/
31st-Jan-2012 07:09 am (UTC)
I wouldn't definitely end the relationship, but if he/she was lying about that, I'd wonder how much I could trust him/her. In fact, I probably wouldn't trust him/her anymore. It's not about assuming that cheating had been going on, but I dislike being lied to about anything.

ETA: Third-hand smoke is a danger to infants and toddlers and I think it's likely a health hazard to other children and adults as well. The smoking would definitely be a huge, huge issue for me, and I wouldn't want to be around it even a little bit.

I am a former smoker as is my spouse of 31 years. We never lied to each other about it. We both grew up in households with smoking parents as well, so I feel I've had enough exposure. Both of us quit before we had kids.

Edited at 2012-01-31 07:12 am (UTC)
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