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Your Cheating Heart 
30th-Jan-2011 09:53 am
Behind the cut are three questions (one with ticky boxes!) about what you consider to be cheating in a relationship.

Edit: In the last question, yes is the choice if you disagree with Clinton, and no is the choice if you agree with Clinton. Sorry, I should have worded that question more clearly.

Poll #1674676 Your Cheating Heart

Assume that a couple is in a committed monogomous relationship. Which of the following on the part of one partner would constitute cheating in your opinion?

Flirting with another (not in the presence of the partner)
Flirting with another (in the presence of the partner)
Looking at pornographic images for sexual gratification (not in the presence of the partner)
Masturbation (not in the presence of the partner)
Flirting with another (in the presence of the partner)
Sexting with another (without the knowledge of the partner)
Sending one's nude pictures to another for sexual gratification (without the knowledge of the partner)
Receiving someone's nude pictures from another for sexual gratification (without the knowledge of the partner)
Kissing another and wishing that you could have sex with that person
Going to see strippers or other erotic entertainment (without telling the partner)
Having phone sex (without the knowledge of the partner)
Participating in fetish activity that does not involve genital exposure or contact (without the knowledge of the partner)
Participating in a threesome, or some form of group sex, with the partner also participating
All of the above
None of the above

Cheating involves any activity from which sexual gratification is derived that is done without the knowledge of the partner.

I strrongly agree with this statement
I agree somewhat with this statement
I neither agree nor disagree with this statement
I somewhat disagree with this statement
I strongly disagree with this statement

Let's settle this once and for all. When Bill Clinton got a blow job and said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" was he correct? (Is a blowjob "sexual relations"?)

Hell yes. What kind of a dumbass would think that this wasn't sexual relations?
Yes, but the question isn't an obvious one, there is room for debate.
No. If he didn't touch her, it wasn't relations
No for some other reason
It depends what the definition of "is" is.
Something else (what?)
30th-Jan-2011 06:09 pm (UTC)
My definition of cheating: any sexual activity (or a romantic relationship being carried on) that is hidden from the partner, without their consent. Masturbation doesn't count because most people do it and another person isn't involved (unless it's mutual masturbation with whoever you're cheating with). As for flirting, a few light compliments here and there wouldn't bother me, but heavy flirting and hitting on are edging toward cheating. Then again, I haven't been monogamous in a long time. Even if you're poly, if you hide a relationship from your partners, it's still cheating IMO.
30th-Jan-2011 06:29 pm (UTC)
I don't know if it's the wording or what, but the last question is a little confusing.
30th-Jan-2011 06:34 pm (UTC)
You're correct. It is confusing, yes is the choice if one thinks that Clinton was wrong, and no is the correct choice if one thinks that he was right. Sorry, I should have caught that.
30th-Jan-2011 07:09 pm (UTC)
Somebody thinks masturbation is cheating? Wow.
30th-Jan-2011 08:00 pm (UTC)
30th-Jan-2011 08:39 pm (UTC)
I try not to be judgmental about answers that people give that aren't the same as what I might choose, otherwise I worry that people won't be honest for fear of being judged or ridiculed for their answers. I've come to believe that everyone's honest opinion is valid and sometimes by keeping an open mind to points of view that differ from my own, it puts me in a better headspace.
30th-Jan-2011 11:18 pm (UTC)
I feel the same way about not judging people's choices. BUT, anyone who thinks of masturbation as cheating is probably either way intolerant, some kind of extremist (religious or otherwise), or an insanely jealous control freak...which means I'm sure they wouldn't extend the same non-judgementalness to me. Thus, I'm ok judging nutjobs (NO PUN INTENDED LOL). =oD
30th-Jan-2011 09:04 pm (UTC)
I didn't ticky the "fetish" option, because there are probably a lot of activities that would qualify, some of which I'd consider cheating and some I would not. For the "receiving nude photos", I clicked yes with the caveat that I'm assuming the recipient was open to receiving the pics...
30th-Jan-2011 09:06 pm (UTC)
You conclude correctly.
31st-Jan-2011 11:40 pm (UTC)
yeah, but if you aren't open to receiving the pics, wouldn't you tell your partner?
31st-Jan-2011 11:42 pm (UTC)
i just think anything you hide from your partner, if not actually cheating, is somewhere between cheating and lying
30th-Jan-2011 10:10 pm (UTC)
To me, cheating does not necessarily imply sex, but it usually does. It's turning to someone outside the relationship to fulfill any need that should be fulfilled within, in a way that would leave the other partner hurt or betrayed. That need does not necessarily have to be sex.

Likewise, sex outside of a committed relationship does not necessarily imply cheating, especially not if all parties consent to it!

My rule of thumb is that if the other partner feels cheated or would feel cheated, then it's cheating.
30th-Jan-2011 10:25 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, and regarding Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky? He put his junk in her mouth. She let him put cigars in her girlie bits. If that is not "sexual relations", then i don't know what is. And it absolutely was cheating because his wife felt it was.
30th-Jan-2011 10:31 pm (UTC)
While dating an ex of mine, I would blow off lunch dates with him and make excuses to stay away from him and spend time alone with another person instead. Nothing sexual happened, but I still felt guilty.

So... I define cheating any sort of interpersonal activity (sexual or otherwise) that you engage in with a person other than your partner, with the qualifications that a) you deliberately hide the activity from your partner, and b) you eschew your partner's company for the other person in the process.

Edited at 2011-01-30 10:32 pm (UTC)
31st-Jan-2011 10:42 am (UTC)
Flirting has to be more defined- if it is lustful flirting with the aim of getting extra relationship sex then it is cheating, if it is just human relations (like friendly gesture, or charming to get half a glass more beer from the host of the pub than it isnt cheating..)

and a blow job is a sexual actuvity , just because he didnt shag her doesnt mean there wasnt any thing sexual between him and her...

6th-Feb-2011 08:48 am (UTC)
Yeah, ia about the flirting thing. That was confusing.
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