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With Apologies to Clement Moore 
22nd-Dec-2010 12:03 pm
Homer Xmas
If you had written the poem "The Night Before Christmas", how would it have gone? Go behind the cut to find out. You know you wanna, all the cool kids are doing it.

P.S. If you choose the "something else" option in one of the questions, please tell us what that something else is in a comment.



Poll #1659782 Apologies to Clement Moore

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even ______

a mouse
4(11.4%)
my spouse
10(28.6%)
Dr. House
9(25.7%)
a spoon
8(22.9%)
Dick Cheney, the louse!
4(11.4%)
Something else (what?)
0(0.0%)

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in the hope that ______ soon would be there

St, Nicholas
11(30.6%)
Snookie from Jersey Shore
1(2.8%)
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
5(13.9%)
Oprah
4(11.1%)
my proctologist
3(8.3%)
the cast of Glee
8(22.2%)
someone else (who?)
4(11.1%)

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of ___________ danced in their heads.

sugar plums
9(25.0%)
Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas
3(8.3%)
Little Big Planet
3(8.3%)
a future without Republicans or Democrats
10(27.8%)
Justin Bieber doing nasty things
9(25.0%)
something else (what?)
2(5.6%)

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap had just settled our brains for a _______________

long winter’s nap
10(27.8%)
really long crap
2(5.6%)
well-deserved fap
5(13.9%)
fight with bitch slaps
2(5.6%)
dance on my lap
10(27.8%)
new IPhone app
7(19.4%)
something else (what?)
0(0.0%)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and ______________

threw up the sash
3(8.8%)
through the window I crash
3(8.8%)
stopped to watch M*A*S*H
6(17.6%)
got out my stash
13(38.2%)
suffered whiplash
8(23.5%)
something else (what?)
1(2.9%)

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but _______________

a miniature sleight and eight tiny reindeer
4(11.8%)
eight tiny gerbils coming out of Richard Gere
3(8.8%)
eight Republican senators outed for being queer
5(14.7%)
Sarah Palin for President signs, causing me fear!
7(20.6%)
Johnny Depp at my door with a twelve pack of beer
14(41.2%)
something else (what?)
1(2.9%)

With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be ____________

Saint Nick
5(14.7%)
Betty White
14(41.2%)
John McCain
0(0.0%)
the ghost of Leslie Nielsen
5(14.7%)
Dick Cheney, that prick!
9(26.5%)
Someone else (who?)
1(2.9%)

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
4(12.1%)
Now Clinton and Romney, now Agnew and Nixon! On Anderson Cooper, Larry King and Wolf Blitzer!
5(15.2%)
On Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, Bashful, Happy, Sneezy and Doc
8(24.2%)
On lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy and pride!
5(15.2%)
On Greg, Marsha, Peter, Jan, Bobby, Cindy and Alice
5(15.2%)
On Sylvester Stallone, Jason Stratham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenneger
5(15.2%)
Something else (what?)
1(3.0%)

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof:

the prancing and pawing of pawing of each little hoof
3(8.8%)
Lady Gaga just standing there acting aloof
10(29.4%)
A reporter from Fox News being a goof
3(8.8%)
Someone having a smoke, it was Shia LeBoeuf
8(23.5%)
my neighbours doing it doggy style, shouting "woof woof"
10(29.4%)
Something else (what?)
0(0.0%)

As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed __________

all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
5(15.6%)
in a red bra and fur lined panties and he had a riding crop and told me I had been very naughty
13(40.6%)
in the finest fall fashions from Dolce and Gabbana
3(9.4%)
like a pirate
6(18.8%)
like Birdo from Super Mario Brothers
5(15.6%)
some other way (how?)
0(0.0%)

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook when he laughed, like _________________

a bowl full of jelly
3(9.1%)
he was dancing to Nelly
14(42.4%)
he's made too many trips to the deli
9(27.3%)
Regis and Kelly
3(9.1%)
Jennifer Lopez's booty
3(9.1%)
something else (what?)
1(3.0%)

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him ______________

in spite of myself
6(17.6%)
because I'm cruel and like to laugh openly at fat people
9(26.5%)
because his fly was open
4(11.8%)
because I was high
7(20.6%)
because I was still thinking about that scene from Family Guy where Stewie says "cool whip"
7(20.6%)
for some other reason (what was it?)
1(2.9%)

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight: _________

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
3(8.6%)
Boycott Wal-Mart!
3(8.6%)
Griffindor rules bitches!
10(28.6%)
Vote Tea Party in 2012!
0(0.0%)
That house smelled like cabbage!
2(5.7%)
Time to get home for the new Doctor Who episode!
7(20.0%)
That kid had a Miley Cyrus poster in her room. I hope she enjoys her future in the fast food industry.
1(2.9%)
8(22.9%)
No, you reindeer don't qualify for ObamaCare, so quit asking
1(2.9%)
Something else (what?)
0(0.0%)
Comments 
22nd-Dec-2010 08:20 pm (UTC)


This is a good poll. You should feel good.
22nd-Dec-2010 08:21 pm (UTC)
That's very sweet of you to comment, thank you :)
22nd-Dec-2010 11:35 pm (UTC)
When I was a kid, I rewrote part of the story.

"With a little old driver, so lively and sick. I knew in a moment it must be a trick."
23rd-Dec-2010 04:04 am (UTC)
Haha. I laughed way too hard at "stopped to watch M*A*S*H" :)
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